Old Man’s Reel (The Curse of Middle Age) by George E. Clark
The weather reporter is ever so homely
With skin like some slices of day-old baloney
More uneven teeth I’ve yet to discover
She issues the forecast and that’s why I love her.
Barista girl is ever so nasty
In serious need of some rhinoplasty
Somehow we manage to talk to each other
She gives me the coffee and that’s why I love her.
Grocery girl has black fingernails
She’s nursing a cold and just out of jail
With scary tattoos just partially covered
She gives me my change and that’s why I love her.
The cop on the corner is ever so ugly
She captured a man who was trying to mug me
She had him arrested before he could shove her
She put the cuffs on and that’s why I love her.
Commuter train girl, though ever so squirrely
She governs the train and coaches most surely
Thus earning the badge and cap of conductor
She checked out my ticket and that’s why I — love her.
A middle-aged man meets many young women
And trying to keep lustful thoughts from beginning
Focuses only upon the service he’s needing
A strategy certain to leave his heart bleeding.
It can’t be ignored that they’re all really beauties
Distracting him from all his middle-aged duties
He’s destined to live with his loves unrequited
Except with women his age — or rather nearsighted.
